Cliché, right? Well, I'm serious. To this day, I would take you back. I would take back all the lack of communication and all the bullshit you pull. I would deal with your stubborn mind and closed heart.
Tell me why, out of all the Prince Charming’s, why did I chose the most uncharming of them all? I don't understand how i can still like you and still want to be with you after all the crap you put me through. Its like no matter what you do, I'll still like you.
It started back in 6th grade. I got to sit next to an annoying guy. I wasn't happy at the beginning. Like seriously this human being bawled like he is the king of the gorillas and I would have loved bringing him back to the zoo. But something was special about him and for some reasons we exchanged email adresses. We started chatting and he acted all cool like the big boss but somehow he made me smile. He accepted me with all my weirdness. And somehow i got to overlook all this over-pubescent acting and just smile and roll my eyes over that. But then it tend to get intiminate like he fully liked me as a friend and I paniced and was like "You can't like me. I'm un-likeable. No one likes me." I have dark secrets. I hide the truth in my lies. I have a dark side that nobody has seen before. No matter how brave and strong I seem.. inside I'm week and insecure. There is no body part I like about myself and i tend to hurt myself to feel something. I'm empty inside and I'm drowning in feelings of never been good enough on all levels and therefore he can't like me. I pushed him away. I said nasty things and somehow he always forgave me. somehow he is still there. Maybe not that close anymore but still he comforts me. He gives me a feeling of being special. And I don't think i'm into him but i just love the feeling he gaves me. There was hardly a boy who i adore for being like that. He is totally not my type but i don't care about looks so on the otherside maybe it is love. The only thing i know is that i miss him. I miss him alot. I think about him when i wake up in the morning, during the day every second thing reminds me of him and in the night one of my last thoughts are about him. Is that love? Idk. But even if it's love I'm pretty sure he doesn't feel the same about me. And even if he does i'm too complicated to handle. I don't like it when people touch me. I feel like i'm one of the ugliest girls and there are loads of other girls who he could have and pick. But in the end of the day i still keep in touch with him. for the feeling. for the hope that if i ever accept myself for who i am and learn to love someone else he will still be there. be there for me with his arms wide open.
